So let's start from the beginning today. I was heading to Ardmore to meet Derrek's step mom and hive her a key to my house in Ardmore so that she can go over and help me clean out stuff when she has a chance. Well right as I pull on to the road my phone rings and it is the salvage company. They are about a hour outside of Ardmore and want to meet me and get the boat. What about the day in advance notice I asked for!?! Seriously! Well, I told him them I would meet him at 11:15, so that would give me a hour to just "be with the boat" and cry and get it all out of my system because I hate to cry in front of people, especially strangers. Well first I needed to go to Wal Greens and get me some Bio Oil (which is GREAT for stretch marks btw). I drove Derrek's truck to Ardmore because I also needed to talk back a hutch I got at builder bobs that was busted. Well when I left Mom and Dad's that morning the truck fired right up, but when I got in it from Wal Greens it wouldn't do a thing! OMG a stranded, emotional, pregnant woman in the Wal Greens parking lot is not a good combination on any day but especially THIS day. Thankfully there was a nice old man who jumped me off and I got about 15 minutes to myself with the boat before the salvage guy came. As soon as I seen him I just had this feeling that I was losing everything of Derrek I had left. I bawled--in front of a complete stranger! It was horrible. That poor guy probably had no idea what he was in store for when he left for work this morning. Thankfully Kim was there and told him the situation and everything before he even met me, so he was really a nice guy, and even let me keep the boat keys and cut me a piece of the rope that goes along the side of the boat. Bottom line today was complete crap. I cried all the way to Ardmore, first because I was driving Derrek's truck, and two they were taking Derrek's and my boat from me. The one thing left to remind me of the accident. I know it was better for them to take it--for my sanity--but it still hurts to see it go. I try to hold in my tears the best I can, but today the flood gates opened and they all came out--which was relieving afterwards.
I had planned to run errands in Ardmore that needed to be done but after that ordeal my eyes were swollen, I was make-up less, and I just looked like a complete mess so I went back to Mom and Dad's. Errands can wait till tomorrow. O and Trey moved around on me all the way home, such a welcomed feeling. I love that little miracle boy more than words can even say, and I haven't even met him yet. I just can't wait until October and I get to hold him, and snuggle him, and love on him all the time.
Tonight, I was swimming with Mom and Courtney and I looked up at seen the sunset. It was absolutely beautiful. I said it looked like Heaven. There was streaks of sun rays going everywhere and the most beautiful colors and puffy clouds. It was gorgeous. I always wonder when I see a pretty sunset if that is where Heaven is. Definitely somewhere beautiful. I wonder if Derrek is among the clouds just watching over me all day; watching to make for sure I am safe, make good choices, and take good care of his son. I like to think so. I like to think of him smiling down on me, and laughing at me when I do something stupid or funny.
Today was just another "step" I had to take, no matter how bad I didn't want too. I just wanted to fall to the ground and not finish this "journey". I hope Derrek was watching me and was proud of me for trying to be strong (although I wasn't strong at all today), but at least I tried and went over there and let the guy take the boat. A for effort, right? But anyway, I am fixing to go to bed and finish this day off--hopefully with a dream about My Sweet Derrek. Until next time, God Bless
Love,
Brook Snodgrass
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