Married to an Angel: I love my mother...

I love my mother as the trees love water and sunshine - she helps me grow, prosper, and reach great heights.

Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible. ~Marion C. Garretty

I've been thinking about becoming a mother a lot here lately--only a few more months until Trey McCoy Snodgrass is here! <3 When I think about being a mom, I can't but hope that I am half the mother that my Mom is to me. She is definitely the strongest woman I know. Through all that I have been through these past 4 months she has always been by my side, holding me up, talking me through, and just encouraging me in everything I do. I know that without her by my side I would not have made it through this trial. I think back to whenever her and Dad had to tell me about Derrek, I can't imagine how hard that was for her. To see her "little" girl lose everything in a matter of seconds, and then she had to be strong for me because I could not be strong for myself. She had to keep me composed to protect Trey when all I could think about was that I had lost (almost) everything. I have said before that I haven't had the chance to fully grieve, for Trey's sake, and now that I think about it Mom hasn't either, for my sake. Derrek was her son. At Christmas she would buy him as many gifts as she bought Courtney and I, same for birthdays, Valentine's Day, even Easter! I lost my husband, but my mom lost her son. I just can't even imagine being as strong as her. She is my rock, my hero, and the person I want to be when I "grow up". Derrek loves (I say it in present tense because I know that he loves her more than ever in Heaven) my Mom like she was his own. It is so funny because when he needed advice he would go into her office and talk to her about things. Or when he really wanted something and I would say "uh, maybe later" He would go talk her into talking me into letting him get it--sneaky little thing :). I just love my Mom, not only for all that she has done for me, but for the woman that she is.

Today Mom and I went and did my registry at Kiddie Land and Wal Mart, and OMG Kiddie Land is amazing! I have not been in there in like 5 years; I thought Mom and I were going to buy the store out! Thankfully we put everything into the registry and didn't spend a dime, but man that was so hard because it was all so cute. It was definitely bittersweet though, because I could just imagine Derrek there helping me pick out the perfect blankets, outfits, etc... for our son. Geez, I miss him so much.

I went out to visit him this afternoon, I have to wait until about 8:30 before I can go out there because it is so miserably hot :(. I was out there just talking to him and of course crying, since it was just "us" out there. Well I looked up and there was this sad looking dog just looking at me from a little ways out. It was a cute dog, a long haired lab type. It just looked so sad. But anyways I had to leave early because the dog kept walking closer and closer to me and I can't take any chances with a stray dog. It sucked though because I really just needed some time with Derrek to talk to him and just to let everything out. I know he already knows what I want to say to him though. I just like going out there and telling him how much I love and miss him and telling him about Trey growing and kicking me like crazy. I wonder if the pain will ever get any easier, because so far it hasn't. Like I said before I am not sure the pain will ever get easier, I just think that I will leanr how to "manage" it better. We'll see.

One last thing, I want to thank all my amazing family and friends who pray for me. I appreciate it more than words can say. God is so good to be and has blessed me with this precious little miracle growing inside me, and I am so thankful to him for everything that he has done for me. I thank God daily for allowing me to have Trey, because otherwise I would not have made it through this trial. Trey is my little piece of Derrek, and I can't wait to meet him. Anyways, if it wasn't for God and everyones prayers I don't see how I could have made it this long without any major complications. God is amazing, and I am so thankful for everyone who prays for Trey and I. You are truly amazing people. Well I think that is enough for tonight, I am tired and fixing go lay in bed with Mom. Another day down, only God knows how many more days to go.... until next time, God Bless.

Love,

Brook Snodgrass

Derrek being his playful self while Mom and I try to take a picture in Alaska.