Ok I've never blogged before, which I'm sure will be apparent once I get going on this. I thought I would start blogging as an "outlet", more or less like a journal. Let's start with the basics. I'm 22 years old, met my soul mate, Derrek Trey Snodgrass, at the age of 10 (and he was 16) and fell in love, married him at the age of 20. June 19, 2009 was the beginning of my fairy tale. I HATE the term widow. A widow I am not; I'm married to an Angel. I can't physically see him, but I know he's here watching over me. On Feb. 15th Derrek and I found out we were FINALLY pregnant! We had been trying for almost a year. We both were amazed and happy beyond belief at the thought of our new addition that we had prayed for every night. March 25, 2011. My worst nightmare became my reality. Derrek went to heaven at 9:15 p.m. I didn't find out till 7:15 the next morning. Derrek and his friends at work went on a big fishing trip every year and this year they planned on going to O.H. Ivie lake in Coleman, Tx. Last year they went to Falcon Lake on the Mexico border but I absolutely refused to let Derrek go this year because I said it was to dangerous. (what a complete and utter fool I was. Too dangerous?!? He made it home alive from Falcon, but not the "safer" lake!) Anyways, I had talked to Derrek 15 minutes before the accident and the phone lost signal for the 3Rd time and I didn't try calling back bc I knew I'd talk to him in the morning. how little did I know. Derrek and a friend were night fishing and were coming back to the dock to go back to the hotel when his boat hit a submerged rock that tore the motor off and ripped the boat up. They were navigating by gps fishing graphs that were not accurate bc the lake was 25 feet low. The boat was thrown onto the rocky shore where Derrek was thrown out and received massive head trauma and went to Heaven instantly. His passenger was thrown out in the water. Not much else to say, other than I should have never agreed to get the boat. I Have So much guilt that at times it s unbearable. I wish I'd done soooo many things differently like not let him get the boat, not buy the graphs, not let him went on the trip, just tried calling him back one kore time, say just one extra prayer for him...if I'd done any of them things I think he may still be here with me. Yes I know that's irrational. It has been 14 weeks since the accident and I miss him more than ever. I'm now 24 weeks pregnant with our son, Trey McCoy Snodgrass. It is so bittersweet. I miss Derrek even more when Trey kicks bc I just want to grab Derreks hands and put them on my belly so he can feel too. I'm just so ready for October 21st to get here...
Well I'm exhausted now, emotionally and physically. Maybe I'll "blog" more tomorrow...
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