Another week down...

Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.
Author Unknown

15 weeks without Derrek.... :'( seems like yesterday I felt the worst pain imaginable and lost my world, but at the same time it seems like forever ago when I was consoled by his fingers interlaced with mine, a kiss on my forehead, or just a "don't worry, everything will be ok, you worry too much".  O how I miss you Derrek! <3 I have also come to the conclusion that the pain will never get any easier, and that time is NOT the ultimate healer; but rather with time you learn how to "manage" or "deal with" the pain better.  It never goes away, its like a elephant in the room, but you learn to work around it. 

       O and baby update: Trey is finally moving again like he was before I got sick, thank goodness.  That little kick or punch can just make my day.  I'll post a pic of the "baby bump".

     Last night was, trying, to say the least.  Thank goodness I believe in the power of prayer and I have so many family and friends I can shoot a quick text to tell them I am in need of prayer and they will drop everything and pray for me.  Such amazing people.  I am so thankful for them (you know who you are and I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart). 

Recently, I was asked why I changed the name of the baby.  I wasn't aware that the baby ever had another name, but ok?....Before the accident, Derrek and I had picked out a girl name, Brynlei Novella, and if it was a boy we were undecided.  Derrek wanted Raidan Dale and I said Derrek Raidan Dale.  Derrek hated 3 names.  He said I would confuse our kid when he had achievement tests because he would know which name to put as his middle.  Lol. Well after the accident--have you noticed how my life is broken into two categories before the accident and after the accident?--I knew that I wanted my name and Derrek's name together.  If we were going to be able to have more children it would be a big deal but this is the only child I will ever be blessed with that has a part of Derrek in him.  Anyway, a friend mentioned Trey McCoy and immediately I fell in love.  It was just perfect.  Trey McCoy Snodgrass just sounds like a rough lil cowboy or an athlete.  It was literally like Derrek "sent" that name to me.  Everyone I have talked to loves Trey McCoy, well almost everyone....But, before I named Trey I called Derrek's Granny and talked to her about it.  See, Dale is Derrek's Grandads middle name.  I was worried that I might hurt his feelings if I didn't use Dale in his name.  Actually I was worried sick about it.  I should have known better because of course Granny and Grandad both told me that they loved the name Trey McCoy Snodgrass and that I name him whatever I want and they will love him regardless.  Grandad even told me that he didn't even care for the name Dale. Lol...Leave it to Grandad to crack a joke to make me feel better--just like Derrek.  Grandad and Derrek are so much alike.  But anyway, to get that off my chest, that is why I "changed" the baby’s name--and I have a peace that Derrek loves his son's name as much as I do.  Derrek Trey Snodgrass--Trey McCoy Snodgrass <3 my two boys <3

Granny called me today, just to check in and see how I was feeling. We talked for a long time.  It was so nice just to chat with her.  I appreciate that so much.  It is so nice to know that Derrek’s family has been so loving and caring during this time. 

Tomorrow Mom, Courtney, and I are going to Frisco.  I got to register for my baby shower and they have a Babies R Us and Target down there—not to mention IKEA! J Also the electrician is coming tomorrow and hooking everything up! J Yay! One step closer…

Well I am—hopefully—fixing to go to bed and get some rest.  I haven’t been resting good at night.  Been dreaming a lot, and not about Derrek L I’ll continue to say my nightly prayer that I do though, hopefully tonight will be the night I will see him in my dreams.  Until tomorrow, God Bless.

Love,

Brook Snodgrass

My Sweet Derrek as a handsome little boy.

Baby bump at 25 weeks.

Most recent ultrasound of my sweet baby boy.

Baby picture of My Sweet Derrek

Such a handsome little boy! <3 I hope Trey looks like his Daddy!