Stupid Question

Today started off good...I was having a dream about Derrek this morning--before the dogs decided to wake me up.  I was dreaming that Trey was kicking--because when I feel asleep he was moving around I guess--Derrek was with me and I was showing him how my stomach was moving as Trey moved.  He was in awe of it, and right when Derrek was sticking his hands out to touch my belly the dogs started barking and jolted me from one the best dreams I've had.  I wish so much that Derrek could touch my belly, that I could just feel his hands wrap around my stomach and for him to feel his son kick, and when I (kinda) got that chance it too got stolen from me. :( Geez.  But at least I seen his face last night, I was happy about that <3

Next I had to go to this breast feeding class for new mothers.  I was already dreading the class just because I thought it was going to be with other new moms and their husbands, but it was only me and a lactation consultant.  Anyway, she meaning to ask if I had anyone to support me breastfeeding, and she asked "So is the Dad in the picture?" I melted. I am proud of myself though as much as I wanted to bust out bawling and run out of the room I just said--after a pause that seemed like it lasted forever--"He passed away."  What's bad is that I have seen that lady once before and she knew about "it".   She was then like "O yea that's right, I forgot." Such an easy thing to forget, I mean how many other pregnant and widowed 22 year olds do you see everyday?! It was just horrible.  I wanted to cry so bad.  I wanted to be like "Yes, he is in the picture, I have lots of pictures of him!" So yea, now you can imagine where my day went from there...

I went and worked on my classroom for a long while today, tried to completely immerse myself into something, hoping I would forget the pain I felt earlier--yea it didn't work, but I did get a lot done.  Well, actually, Mom and Dad got a lot done.  They have helped me so much in my classroom.  I definitely could not have come close to getting it done without them.  It also helps that Mom is a perfectionist like me so I don't even worry about how it is getting done because I know what she does will probably be way better than what I could do right now. 

My one bright spot, Trey, is moving around like crazy as I am typing.  He feels like a bowling ball inside my tummy right now going form one side to the other.  It is the absolute bets feeling in the world.  My stomach is currently an odd shape, as he has his butt pushed up to the right of my belly button.  It looks pretty cool, lol :).  Derrek would love it. I have my 4d ultrasound tomorrow and I am hoping that we can get a good shot of his face.  I can't wait to see him tomorrow! And I am even more ready to meet him! October can't come soon enough...

I am going to have lunch tomorrow with one of my and Derrek's friends.  Her husband fished with Derrek a lot.  Her and her husband are getting the fishing tournament up and going.  Such a blessing! I am really excited about it.  I can't think of a better way to honor Derrek and keep his memory alive.  He would be so proud.  I hope so at least.  I try so hard ot make him proud, and I hope that I'm doing a good job of it.  Sometimes I don't know though.  I know he would be so hurt to see my upset and cry, but I just can't help it sometimes.  I hate to cry, but seems like here lately I am the water works factory.  Must be these hormones, among everything else.

Well I think I am going to get off here and go to bed, been a long day and I am so ready to get it over with.  Until next time,  God Bless.

Love,

Brook Snodgrass

Trey McCoy Snodgrass at 27 weeks.

 Trey's first pair of cowboy boots that matches his Daddy's.

 Trey's first belt.

 Trey's first pair of wranglers.