Happy 4th of July

It's my first 4th of July without Derrek :'( Well I have had 4th of Julys without Derrek before, but now it’s different. Before I didn't know what I was missing; now I feel like only half of me is here.  That half cannot even enjoy it.  I dread holidays.  Dread really doesn't do justice how I feel about holidays actually, I'm hoping when Trey gets here I will be able to enjoy holidays again.  Derrek LOVE(s)(d) holidays.  He had so much fun popping fireworks, playing with the kids, swimming, etc.  At Christmas, he was like a little kid.  He loved opening presents but he also loved to buy people presents.  He was the Best present picker :)...Last Christmas we got to shop for Christmas presents for kids at the school I work at.  We literally spent like 5 hours at Wal-Mart playing with toys and making for sure that we got the perfect present for each child.  He always talked about how he couldn't wait to have kids and go Christmas shopping for them and just overflow the basket with toys and then watch their little faces light up on Christmas morning.  Thoughts like that kill me. I like to think he will be able to see Trey on Christmas opening up his presents.  It's just not the same though.  He is supposed to be here videotaping while I am taking pictures of Trey ripping them open; how am I supposed to do both?! Something else to add to the list that I NEED Derrek for.  That list just keeps on growing, every day I add something else...
Anyway, Trey has been a little mover today.  I just love feeling him move, but wish I could feel Derrek's hands on my stomach to feel it too...I am also continuing to grow like crazy.  I swear I grow an inch everyday :)... Dad informed me the other day that my stomach now stuck out more than my boobs... lol
The new room addition is coming along.  Some of the builders came out today and lacquered all the trim and doors and will come out Wednesday to put it all in.  Now just waiting on carpet, which won't be in till July 9th and then still have to wait to have it installed....I hate waiting.  Patience is definitely not my strong point--it was Derrek's.  I got to start decorating my classroom soon too.  So much to do and not very much time to get it done.
I've been looking at baby stuff online a lot.  It's an outlet that keeps my mind of "other" things.  I just pour all of my attention into this little baby that is counting on me to strong for him.  Talk about responsibility! Never thought I would have all that responsibility alone, but I got to play the hand I've been dealt and make Derrek proud.  And when I say alone, I am very fortunate that I am not alone in every aspect.  Just alone without Derrek.  I have the most amazing family and friends that anyone could ask for.  They are absolute angels.  Mom is my rock every day.  I honestly don't think I could even make it through the day without her here to hold me together, and I know I could not have made it these past 14 weeks without her.  Courtney, well Courtney keeps me laughing :) and Dad does all my "honey do's" for me.  It's been tough trying to move and not being able to lift anything! Thank goodness for Dad! I am so thankful that I have so many people who love me and keep me lifted up in prayer every day.  You know who you are, and if you’re reading this then, THANK YOU SO MUCH!
I think that is enough for today, I think Mom and I are fixing to go out and work at the cemetery for a little bit.  Another one of my "outlets" that is a stress reliever.  Happy 4th of July and God Bless

P.S. Here are some pictures from the day that Derrek and I bought our new boat.  He has his "slicker" Gore Tex fishing suit on that he got for Christmas.  It was about 30 degrees outside.