Just a Dream...

It has been 17 weeks and 1 day since I lost My Sweet Derrek.  Doesn't seem real.  Sometimes I will just sit and stare at his picture and think this is just a really bad dream, I'll wake up soon and he'll be asleep next to me.  I'll wake him up and tell him how horrible it was and how much I love him....then I realize that it's not a dream, that my nightmare is really my reality.  Except I am blessed that my nightmare has one bright spot--Trey McCoy Snodgrass.  My little miracle baby.  I just miss Derrek so much, I wish that he could see my belly grow and be here to experience all this with me.

My little Trey McCoy has been a active little thing the past couple of days.  Usually he would sleep all day and late evening he would start moving around, but he never keeps me up at night.  But the past couple of days he has moved around all day long.  It is amazing.  I am definitely going to miss feeling him move around inside my tummy later--but at least I will have him here to cuddle and love on :) That will make OK. 

Mom, Mamaw, and I had to go to the city yesterday for Mamaw's doctors appointment and on the way home we stopped at the stockyards and went to Langston's.  I got Trey his first pair of cowboy boots.  They are beautiful.  They even have white tops--just like his Daddy's first boots that he got when we started dating.  I also got him his first belt and first pair of wranglers.  I thought it was only right that I get his first pair of boots since I talked Derrek into getting his white top boots whenever we started dating.  He said he hadn't had a pair of boots since he was a little boy--and they matched his Grandad's boots.  So I got Trey is first pair of boots and talked his Daddy into getting his boots too  :) Just a neat coincidence I thought.  Now I can't wait to see him in his outfit! <3 Definitely be a handsome little boy. 

I started in on Trey's nursery today.  We have to clean it out first because it has been a guest bedroom for the past 4 years, so there is quite a bit to do before it will ready.  Mom is putting new carpet in it and having it painted too.  It will be so cute once it's finished--which I hope is soon! Granny and Grandad bought Trey his high chair and it came in the other day.  it is adorable.  it is a Chicco one that matches his travel system I registered for.  I can just picture him sitting in it, making a mess :)

I got a letter the other day from one of Derrek's fishing buddies and his wife.  It was so sweet--put a smile on my face.  It was just a card to let me know they were thinking of me since I have had a rough couple of days (Sunday and Monday).  It was so thoughtful and really meant the world to me.  It is crazy how such a little gesture means so much--but it is nice knowing that someone is thinking about you.  <3 Derrek and I have such amazing family and friends--which I know I said before, but they truly are gifts from God.  They have supported me so much--and for that I am so thankful.

Well I think I am fixing to hop in bed, still sleeping with Mom though.  Can't seem to bring myself to sleep in Derrek and my bed without him there beside me, it just doesn't feel "right".  I mean we bought our bedroom furniture after we got back form our honeymoon.  We went and picked out everything together and set it up together.  I just can't sleep in OUR bed when Derrek isn't here to keep me safe--I'm horribly and childishly TERRIFIED of the dark.  I just need him here to protect me, keep me warm, and keep me from hogging the whole bed.  So, yes, I am 22 years old and sleep with my Mom.  <3 I am just blessed to have a mother that I am so close to that doesn't mind me sleeping with her.  Well, until next time, goodnight and God Bless.

Love,

Brook Snodgrass